Warning-if you under 18 do not bother opening this post!

I’m Writing This Review From The Little I Remember of The Book. The Movie Didn’t Go Too Well For Me.
Lately, I have been seeing one disturbing quote circulated among guys.

“Every man needs a bit of Christian Grey in him.”

If the guys behind this are referring to Christian’s billionaire status, that is totally fine. In short, I should just end the post here.
On the other hand, ladies are fantasizing about having a boyfriend like Christian. A man that can give them expensive gifts, take them on shopping trips, fancy dinners, private jet rides, orgasms?

Ogbeni, here is why you need to snap out of your fantasy world!

Guys,

Anastasia was a virgin, she was naïve about sex, she experienced no pain or guilt when she lost her virginity and Christian was able to make her come multiple times during her first sexual encounter. Is this even possible? Can you guys see what I’m talking about? Unlike you and your girlfriend. . .
In one scene, she dreamt of Christian and came in her sleep, wow, just wow. This is something spiritual husbands in Nigeria can’t do.
Oh my God! Christian sucked her boob, and guess what, she came again. Jealous much? Would you be comfortable allowing a woman obsessed with 50 shades of grey breastfeed your baby? NO? I thought as much.
Oops, in page 1.., she came at the smell of the leather bed, the sound of his voice, and she probably came at distant thoughts of what she ate for breakfast. How many Nigerian ladies have such overly sensitive parts?
All Christian had to say everytime they had sex was, “Come for me Ana” and brmmmm, she was swimming in her ‘postcoital glow as the writer put it.
Have I also mentioned the sight of his pyjamas hanging loosely on his waist turns her on? Wait, do Nigerian men even wear pyjamas?
“He leans down and kisses me, his fingers still moving rhythmically inside me, his thumb circling and pressing. His other hand scoops my hair off my head and holds my head in place. His tongue mirrors the actions of his fingers, claiming me.” – Na so! Nigerian men that can hardly utter a sentence and play PS2 at the same time. This kind of multi-tasking is way out of their league oh.

LADIES,

Spankings are not fun. Don’t let this book fool you into thinking they are, because they are not. if any man dares beat me, i swear i will break bottle on his head. We don’t even have whips in Nigeria. We call it cane sister. How many Nigerian ladies out there will agree to allowing a man beat them without taking him to court or going to write a 5-page ‘chronicle of blog visitor on SDK blog?
If you have been duped by this book into thinking that rolling your eyes and biting your lips at a man gives him an erection, prepare to answer embarrassing questions like, “Honey,what is wrong with your eyes? Do you need new pairs of glasses?”, “Shebi the harmattan is drying your lips too?”
Christian was also turned on by pubic hair. If you have been duped into thinking keeping a sambisa forest down there is sexy, well, goodluck.
In one scene, they had Period sex, followed by a bath together? A bloody bath? Which Nigerian man would agree to open the door of his house to you when you’re on, talk more of . . . Eww… Tufiakwa.
Are you suddenly tempted to draw up contracts for existing suitors. Hard limits: must not cheat, or refuse to cuddle me. Soft limits: breakfast in bed and early morning texts would be nice, must take selfies with me every week. Please wake up! The only relationship contracts we have in reality are marriage certificates.
The dialogue in the book is hilarious and very unrealistic just incase you plan on changing your mode of communication with your spouse. “Ana, your ass needs training”,“I’ll agree to the fisting, but I’d really like to claim your ass, Anastasia”What does that even mean? LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Overall, it saddens me that this book has placed a lot of unrealistic pressure on men to satisfy women more frequently and thoroughly.
Anyway, since I have got nothing to do today. I’m going back to sleep with the expectations that I ‘come’ in my sleep. If Anastasia can then I can
Cheers to a beautiful week..

posted from Bloggeroid

Season of Natural Hair: Nse Ikpe Etim, Geneveive Nnaji and Yemi Alade show us how to rock it (Photos)

Singer Yemi Alade and actresses Genevieve Nnaji and Nse Ikpe Etim are currently rocking their natural hair.
We know it takes a lot of gut to join the #teamnaturalhair BUT these goddesses are braving it.
They slayin it & we lovin it!
See more photos below:

posted from Bloggeroid

We found where Patience Jonathan is hiding, following results of March 28 polls

Where is Dame Patience Jonathan? has been the questions running through the minds of Nigerians..
It appears that wife of the President, Patience Jonathan has suddenly taken a break from the public following her husband's defeat at the March 28 presidential polls.

According to reports by Punch, Patience Jonathan had hosted visitors at the President's official residence on Tuesday, the same day Jonathan hosted dignitaries who payed solidarity to him after conceding defeat to Muhammadu Buhari.

A former government official said that, “After meeting the President in the new Banquet Hall located within the premised of his office, I also visited the First Lady inside the President’s residence before leaving. She was in high spirit when I met her,”

But since this meeting, the President’s wife has not been seen in public.
She did not attend the Good Friday service held inside the Aso Villa Chapel neither did she show up for the Easter Sunday service.
The last time Patience Jonathan was spotted in public was on Saturday, March 28 at her polling unit in Otuoke, Bayelsa state, where she voted with her husband.

A Presidency source who pleaded anonymity said that Mrs. Jonathan had travelled to the United Kingdom to sort out some domestic issues. “She is in UK. She may use the opportunity of the trip to visit her children".

President’s wife would come back to the country.

posted from Bloggeroid

"May the wrath of God strike you all" Kunle Afolayan goes after Igbos who pirate movies

Nigerian actor cum producer Kunle Afolayan took to twitter (joining the trend of Oba of Lagos who threatened Igbos in Lagos) to vent his frustration and anger on Igbos who pirate Nigerian movies.
In his anger, the award winning producer evoked the wrath of God on Igbo pirates.
See tweets

posted from Bloggeroid

"I'm obeying the Bible" Man with 40 children by 20 women says he won’t stop

Nawa ooo
Britain’s most feckless father has had 40 children by 20 different women, boasting: ‘God says go forth and multiply – I’ll never stop’.
According to Dailymail, Mike Holpin 56, from Monmouthshire, says he can only remember half their names and would not recognise some if he passed them in the street. The recovering alcoholic claims he tries to keep track of all his children – aged between three and 37 – by having their names tattooed across his back.
He admits he would not recognize many in the street and 16 were taken into care by social services because of his ‘drinking and womanising’.

Hear him:
‘In the Bible, God says go forth and multiply. I’m doing what God wants. I’m only 56. I’ll never stop [having children]. Never stop.
‘I’m as fertile as sin. I don’t believe in contraception and I love sex.
‘I’ve got so much love in me for my kids, it’s spilling over. I need them more than they need me to be honest. I can’t be without them.’

Due to my drinking and my womanising, most of my kids have gone through the care system,’ he said.
‘It makes me feel like s*** because they’ve suffered.They [social services] took them from me because I’m an alcoholic. I’m still an alcoholic – I just don’t practise it.’When they went into care, I made a promise that no matter how long it took, I will get my kids home. I miss all the fun we used to have so I guess getting them back, my life will be set. My life will be perfect’.

He also says he hopes his children will be able to forgive him, both for their upbringing in council care and for his lengthy reproductive career.
He said: ‘I can’t make up for what I’ve done. All I can do is be there for them now. I’ll keep fighting.’ According to Mr Holpin, his first sexual experience came aged nine but he did not have his first child until he got a job at a fairground in his late teens.

posted from Bloggeroid

Asari-Dokubo says"Buhari will victimize Niger Delta"

With the recent change in power from PDP to APC Former Niger-Delta militant, Mujahid Asari-Dokubo has threatened to return to to the creeks with other militants, following the defeat of President Goodluck Jonathan at the just concluded presidential polls.

The Alhaji who hails from Bayelsa state described the voting pattern which brought President-elect, Buhari in as a gang up of the North and South West against minority South-South and South-East.
In a statement issued by Asari-Dokubo's spokesperson, Rex Anighoro, he described the voting pattern as unfair because it majority ethnic group, emasculated the minorities.

He also expressed fear of being victimized by the government of the President-Elect, Muhammadu Buhari.
In his words, Asari-Dokubo said, “The conditions that advanced the need to embrace the creeks have been sadly re-energised. It is clear that a vicious government who may maim and murder the voice of the so-called minorities may have just been birthed.

“Indeed integration is non-existent as regional gang-ups and supremacy is symbolic with this victory.”

He further said, “While President Jonathan enjoys his moments and basks in the euphoria of a new world-renowned statesman having congratulated Muhammadu Buhari, we must quickly be reminded that our struggle was never about Jonathan or about the presidency.

“President Jonathan is an establishment beneficiary of our struggle, our sweat and blood that many bled and died for. He was never in the struggle and he can never wish away our collective march for statesmanship.


“Yes indeed, to an extent, he was a mitigating factor in self-determination pursuit as we went on sabbatical. This mitigation he seems to have willingly repudiated. The days coming will be critical. We shall study all the conditions and consult widely before determining the way forward for our collective existence and survival as a people. The days coming shall either drive the quest of integration or further separate us.”

posted from Bloggeroid