I’m Writing This Review From The Little I Remember of The Book. The Movie Didn’t Go Too Well For Me.
Lately, I have been seeing one disturbing quote circulated among guys.
“Every man needs a bit of Christian Grey in him.”
If the guys behind this are referring to Christian’s billionaire status, that is totally fine. In short, I should just end the post here.
On the other hand, ladies are fantasizing about having a boyfriend like Christian. A man that can give them expensive gifts, take them on shopping trips, fancy dinners, private jet rides, orgasms?
Ogbeni, here is why you need to snap out of your fantasy world!
Guys,
Anastasia was a virgin, she was naïve about sex, she experienced no pain or guilt when she lost her virginity and Christian was able to make her come multiple times during her first sexual encounter. Is this even possible? Can you guys see what I’m talking about? Unlike you and your girlfriend. . .
In one scene, she dreamt of Christian and came in her sleep, wow, just wow. This is something spiritual husbands in Nigeria can’t do.
Oh my God! Christian sucked her boob, and guess what, she came again. Jealous much? Would you be comfortable allowing a woman obsessed with 50 shades of grey breastfeed your baby? NO? I thought as much.
Oops, in page 1.., she came at the smell of the leather bed, the sound of his voice, and she probably came at distant thoughts of what she ate for breakfast. How many Nigerian ladies have such overly sensitive parts?
All Christian had to say everytime they had sex was, “Come for me Ana” and brmmmm, she was swimming in her ‘postcoital glow as the writer put it.
Have I also mentioned the sight of his pyjamas hanging loosely on his waist turns her on? Wait, do Nigerian men even wear pyjamas?
“He leans down and kisses me, his fingers still moving rhythmically inside me, his thumb circling and pressing. His other hand scoops my hair off my head and holds my head in place. His tongue mirrors the actions of his fingers, claiming me.” – Na so! Nigerian men that can hardly utter a sentence and play PS2 at the same time. This kind of multi-tasking is way out of their league oh.
LADIES,
Spankings are not fun. Don’t let this book fool you into thinking they are, because they are not. if any man dares beat me, i swear i will break bottle on his head. We don’t even have whips in Nigeria. We call it cane sister. How many Nigerian ladies out there will agree to allowing a man beat them without taking him to court or going to write a 5-page ‘chronicle of blog visitor on SDK blog?
If you have been duped by this book into thinking that rolling your eyes and biting your lips at a man gives him an erection, prepare to answer embarrassing questions like, “Honey,what is wrong with your eyes? Do you need new pairs of glasses?”, “Shebi the harmattan is drying your lips too?”
Christian was also turned on by pubic hair. If you have been duped into thinking keeping a sambisa forest down there is sexy, well, goodluck.
In one scene, they had Period sex, followed by a bath together? A bloody bath? Which Nigerian man would agree to open the door of his house to you when you’re on, talk more of . . . Eww… Tufiakwa.
Are you suddenly tempted to draw up contracts for existing suitors. Hard limits: must not cheat, or refuse to cuddle me. Soft limits: breakfast in bed and early morning texts would be nice, must take selfies with me every week. Please wake up! The only relationship contracts we have in reality are marriage certificates.
The dialogue in the book is hilarious and very unrealistic just incase you plan on changing your mode of communication with your spouse. “Ana, your ass needs training”,“I’ll agree to the fisting, but I’d really like to claim your ass, Anastasia”What does that even mean? LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Overall, it saddens me that this book has placed a lot of unrealistic pressure on men to satisfy women more frequently and thoroughly.
Anyway, since I have got nothing to do today. I’m going back to sleep with the expectations that I ‘come’ in my sleep. If Anastasia can then I can
Cheers to a beautiful week..
Lately, I have been seeing one disturbing quote circulated among guys.
“Every man needs a bit of Christian Grey in him.”
If the guys behind this are referring to Christian’s billionaire status, that is totally fine. In short, I should just end the post here.
On the other hand, ladies are fantasizing about having a boyfriend like Christian. A man that can give them expensive gifts, take them on shopping trips, fancy dinners, private jet rides, orgasms?
Ogbeni, here is why you need to snap out of your fantasy world!
Guys,
Anastasia was a virgin, she was naïve about sex, she experienced no pain or guilt when she lost her virginity and Christian was able to make her come multiple times during her first sexual encounter. Is this even possible? Can you guys see what I’m talking about? Unlike you and your girlfriend. . .
In one scene, she dreamt of Christian and came in her sleep, wow, just wow. This is something spiritual husbands in Nigeria can’t do.
Oh my God! Christian sucked her boob, and guess what, she came again. Jealous much? Would you be comfortable allowing a woman obsessed with 50 shades of grey breastfeed your baby? NO? I thought as much.
Oops, in page 1.., she came at the smell of the leather bed, the sound of his voice, and she probably came at distant thoughts of what she ate for breakfast. How many Nigerian ladies have such overly sensitive parts?
All Christian had to say everytime they had sex was, “Come for me Ana” and brmmmm, she was swimming in her ‘postcoital glow as the writer put it.
Have I also mentioned the sight of his pyjamas hanging loosely on his waist turns her on? Wait, do Nigerian men even wear pyjamas?
“He leans down and kisses me, his fingers still moving rhythmically inside me, his thumb circling and pressing. His other hand scoops my hair off my head and holds my head in place. His tongue mirrors the actions of his fingers, claiming me.” – Na so! Nigerian men that can hardly utter a sentence and play PS2 at the same time. This kind of multi-tasking is way out of their league oh.
LADIES,
Spankings are not fun. Don’t let this book fool you into thinking they are, because they are not. if any man dares beat me, i swear i will break bottle on his head. We don’t even have whips in Nigeria. We call it cane sister. How many Nigerian ladies out there will agree to allowing a man beat them without taking him to court or going to write a 5-page ‘chronicle of blog visitor on SDK blog?
If you have been duped by this book into thinking that rolling your eyes and biting your lips at a man gives him an erection, prepare to answer embarrassing questions like, “Honey,what is wrong with your eyes? Do you need new pairs of glasses?”, “Shebi the harmattan is drying your lips too?”
Christian was also turned on by pubic hair. If you have been duped into thinking keeping a sambisa forest down there is sexy, well, goodluck.
In one scene, they had Period sex, followed by a bath together? A bloody bath? Which Nigerian man would agree to open the door of his house to you when you’re on, talk more of . . . Eww… Tufiakwa.
Are you suddenly tempted to draw up contracts for existing suitors. Hard limits: must not cheat, or refuse to cuddle me. Soft limits: breakfast in bed and early morning texts would be nice, must take selfies with me every week. Please wake up! The only relationship contracts we have in reality are marriage certificates.
The dialogue in the book is hilarious and very unrealistic just incase you plan on changing your mode of communication with your spouse. “Ana, your ass needs training”,“I’ll agree to the fisting, but I’d really like to claim your ass, Anastasia”What does that even mean? LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Overall, it saddens me that this book has placed a lot of unrealistic pressure on men to satisfy women more frequently and thoroughly.
Anyway, since I have got nothing to do today. I’m going back to sleep with the expectations that I ‘come’ in my sleep. If Anastasia can then I can
Cheers to a beautiful week..
posted from Bloggeroid
1 comment:
I couldn't help laughing! Thanks for the post. http://www.scarletnews.com/2015/04/4-top-strategies-to-earn-30-50-daily-on.html
Post a Comment